Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
