Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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