lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
