At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
