i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
