someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
