I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
