so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
