walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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