'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
