Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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