I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
