Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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