he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
