no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
