Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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