I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
