I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
