i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
