how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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