I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize