Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
