can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
