i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
