ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
