Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
