So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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