He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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