hotel room ftw
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
