I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
