Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
