rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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