i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
