I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
