You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
