if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
