I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
