i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
