when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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