His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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