mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
