if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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