We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
