apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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