Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
