Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize