he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
