No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
