had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
