There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
