Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
