i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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