If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
