Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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