My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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