so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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