goodnight i made you a song goodbye
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
