new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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