There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
