how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
