Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
