I want to walk on stilts...naked
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
