I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We got so high we made milksteak
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
