You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize