i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
