they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
