I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize