Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
