her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
